*The following is the transcript of a podcast, originally streamed in real-time from 12:09 a.m. to 12:13 a.m. on 22 December, 2012.
London, England...
Just after midnight.
Reports from multiple news sources in the United States, as well as the American news service NPR, are claiming that conservative Republicans are suddenly missing.
Media speculation within the last hour that the phenomenon is related to the end of the Mayan calendar is rampant, particularly in the blogosphere. A report in the website lametimes.com points to so-called Apocalypse Blogs, whose IP addresses have with their origin in geographic regions known during American presidential years as Blue States (including Massachusetts, California and the District of Columbia). According to lametimes, these blogs, whose IPAs are from the sparsely populated areas from Montana in the north, to Texas in the south (which lametimes has dubbed Red Hot Spots), have been strangely devoid of activity during this same time.
This odd occurrence has led to much wild speculation within the last hour, by Blue State blogs, that with the passing of 21 December, 2012, the Earth may have entered a new epoch, often referred to in the vocabulary of these blogs as The Crimson Purging.
Here in London, media outlets await a statement from Prime Minister Nick Griffin. A spokesperson for the politically troubled head of state has spoken with members of the press within the last several minutes, stating:
“The Prime Minister has been unavoidably detained at his home at 10 Downing Street. We all expect a brief declaration of assurance from the PM, just as soon as his house staff is able to locate him.”
A similar statement, released just moments ago via automatic reply e-mail from BNP headquarters to the London press has only served to make the situation more unclear as to the possible whereabouts of the British leader.
At the same time, just blocks away from the doors of the BNP, Social-Liberal coalition leader Tommy Sheridan addressed a gathering of several hundred people holding signs and carrying large banners, giving indication that his New Union Party is prepared to take any action they deem necessary, should the need arise. In his address, Mr. Sheridan told the crowd,
“While we do not believe any of the reckless and salacious speculation in the cyber-tabloids within the recent minutes, we are fully prepared to call Parliament to emergency session if the whereabouts of the PM cannot be confirmed immediately. Should the PM not be located by tomorrow, the Coalition stands ready to press the vote and assume the leadership in Parliament and, if necessary, at 10 Downing as well.”
In the States, Vice President Nancy Pelosi is expected shortly to address the White House press corps on the events of the last hour. The world community is also awaiting word from newly re-elected President Barrack Obama. Mr. Obama is visiting his home state of Hawaii for the holidays, and will be speaking after he has concludes a scheduled day of surfing with his children.
In an odd coincidence, reporters just outside the Crawford, Texas home of George W. Bush, seeking comment on the events from the former President, have been told by one-time first daughter Jenna Bush-Hager that her father is similarly unavailable for comment. Sounding much like the spokespersons for many of the other right-wing politicos, Ms. Bush-Hager told the media,
“Daddy excused himself to go to the little boy’s room and, well... that’s all we know. We... I... don’t know where he is. It’s a big house. We’re still looking.”
Asked when that was, Ms. Bush-Hager answered,
“Ten... no eleven minutes after six (11:11 p.m. GMT).”
Late word, received during the time of this writing, from an unauthorized Beijing IPA, tell of the sudden removal of some,
“...400 to 500 million...”
of what the report calls,
“...citizens of disreputable standing.”
If this report is true, the question of where these half-a-billion people are being detained, and how the Chinese government was able to transport them in such a short period of time must be answered quickly before these questions are answered by widespread panic throughout the world’s most heavily-populated country.
In a final sweep of RSS news services, one note speaks of a,
“...quarantine of the majority of Whites in South Africa… ”
and a sudden, yet-to-be-explained absence of,
“certain entire tribal militias in the region of Somalia, the Sudan, and even in occupied Darfur.”
Lastly, a post on the official website of the Church of England, from the Archbishop of Canterbury herself, makes it clear that the speculation that the confusion regarding the location of the residents of greater London will be,
“...quite easily explained in the morning…”
and that,
“...unfounded religious speculation that this is somehow connected to a so-called ‘rapture’ is ludicrous (expletive deleted) that went out of vogue with the passing of (former Archbishop) George Carey.”
Due to the overwhelming proliferation of real-time Internet reports from all portions of the globe, this citizen news and information channel will remain open and active throughout the night, searching RSS feeds, as well as interviewing sources (both public and embedded). Updates on, and clarifications of, these stories in progress – and new stories as we receive them – will continue, for as long as we are able to present them.
*Editor’s note: This report has been assembled from RSS content, as well as this publication’s own original journalistic investigations. No attempt has been made to verify the following information beyond the factual attestations of the sources cited.
